My pregnancy has been easy. Not easy peezy- but easy. Besides the fact that I can’t have French fries because my gallbladder will literally attack me and I will be in such pain that I vomit and shit myself is something I can control by not eating fried foods. Sometimes I sneak a fry here and there but I always have that feeling of pain that I def don’t want to go thru. A gallbladder attack literally feels like a heart attack, the first time it happened I really thought I was about to die. At one point I didn’t even care what was happening to the baby. I was legit scared my heart was going to stop pounding. But here we are ✌️ surviving without fries or anything fried lol
We named her Camila. We were between names. Coraima and Mikhaela’s. Camila was there but I wasn’t entirely in love with it. Even now when someone ask me I totally blank out. But I think it’s a beautiful name. She’s currently 31 weeks and 2 days. On Tuesday I turn 32 years old and on Thursday Camila will be 32 weeks old:) she’ll be the size of a hunch of celery. My pregnancy has been going smoothly. I’ve always been terrified to get pregnant because I didn’t want to “ruin” my body. I didn’t want my boobs to get bigger, I was scared my depression was going to get worse and I didn’t want to rip my butthole open. But now that I’m here, I’m ok with the changes my body is doing to create a life. I feel her move around and I smile. It’s weird but I always thought I’d be an emotional wreck. I’m already an emotional Pisces wreck of a cry baby, so being pregnant and with the hormones I was terrified. But- I’ve been calm. I’ve cried here and there but nothing close to what I thought I’d be feeling. I feel peaceful, I feel more patient(except when it come to the dogs) I’ve been more understanding. I even feel like the days where I do get frustrated because my mom , brother or Oscar piss me off.. I feel like I take a deep breath and get over it. I feel like Camila is filling me some sort of calmness. Even when im laying in bed and I start to freak out because I can’t feel her move she gives me a little kick. Like “mom, I’m ok. Relax” that’s what I imagine.
I think the hardest part of this is the anxiety. Social media doesn’t help. There’s the thoughts that anything can happen. There’s the anxiety of driving, There’s the thoughts of how your sleep position can stop blood flow to the baby or what you can and can’t eat. It’s an endless amount of anxiety crawling into your brain.
Right now, I can’t sleep. I get really bad insomnia. Or I get disrupted sleep due to me freaking out that I end up sleeping on my back. I sometimes wake up at 2 am and don’t go back to sleep until 4am. These last couple of days I’ve been so sleepy that it hurts. It hurts to keep my eyes open, and it hurts to even have conversations. I wanted to cry the other day while we were with friends because I was so tired and I wanted to sleep.
Lately, I’ve been feeling some emotions that would make me cry. But as I sit in the tub and wish I could just let it out .. I just kept repeating to myself “I’m just so tired” then I start going into cleaning mode. I do get scared that if I cannot sleep now, what makes me think I’ll sleep when Camila gets here (she’s currently moving rn:)) idk what I’m touching but it’s hard lol maybe a foot. Anyways, I can’t wait to meet her. Everytime I think of the day I get to have her in my arms.. I cry. I’m excited to pour my love into her. I have a feeling, and I’m not saying this because she’s mine. But I have a feeling Camila is going to be the sweetest kid ever.
Dog beach 2024 March
Just being honest- 